


Taboo

by oujitino



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bad Ending, Blood, FMA AU, Hallucinations, M/M, Mentions of Death, Suicide, equivalent exchange, matsuhana POV, tons of metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:42:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25833703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oujitino/pseuds/oujitino
Summary: There are things we cannot have forever.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Matsukawa Issei/Hanamaki Takahiro
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	Taboo

—

The past couple of months were ashen grey.

Irreparable.

Matsukawa’s stomach dropped heavy at the scene of Oikawa rupturing beneath his forced smiles and unclosed wounds. The sight of Oikawa digging at the depths of the cavernous hole in his chest, chipped nails with edges washed in crimson, bloodshot unlit eyes, pale lips quivering —almost beyond rescue. Iwaizumi’s passing haunted Oikawa as if he was a vengeful spirit rather than the husband he used to be. The solid days Oikawa would bask under indigo hues with soft breezes dancing around him and through his pristine hair gave Hanamaki an inch of relief. His few episodes of peace upon seasons of storms. 

Then came the days of Oikawa letting the ache gnaw at his flesh, permitting an entity of misery to tear on him like a rotten carcass. He would reject water and sustenance for several meals. Days and nights of hallucinations. Unexpected manic outburst. Suicidal attempts. Matsukawa doesn’t count the days he had to search for Oikawa in the forest at the dead of the night. He couldn’t yell any logic into him, Matsukawa had no power to. Oikawa’s excuses were the same. Different nights, identical reasoning.

“Iwa-chan said he wanted to go look for beatles.”

Hanamaki fought back the urge to tell him that Iwaizumi is dead. Months long gone now. He had to watch Oikawa bury the body because they promised each other. _A painful vow._ Hanamaki kept his mouth shut. He allows Oikawa to breathe in the hurt and anguish like swallowing raw flames. He was wretched, sewn together with gaps, missing fragments and pieces. It was incurable. Nothing could restore what Iwaizumi was to Oikawa. Their youth, puzzling phases and unraveling love. Oikawa shone best around Iwaizumi. Matsukawa and Hanamaki testified to this. It wasn’t just a gash. Oikawa’s entire world collapsed into ashes and dust. 

Oikawa had days where he fell into his own pace and someone would need to unearth him before he hurt himself. Hanamaki got him into cooking. Tries at least. In four out of ten, Oikawa manages not to set the kitchen on fire and Hanamaki can at least lessen the worry of him properly consuming without them. Matsukawa took him hunting and fishing. His pouts and complaining vibrated against the lively atmosphere and it registered too late that Oikawa was laughing. A hearty laugh, one that Matsukawa hadn't heard for the longest in these trying times. His aura then started to fire up again. Bright and smoldering.

There were highs in retrospect to the lows. Matsukawa knew the time limits and the obvious signs in Oikawa’s movements. Hanamaki called him a creep for being able to read such mood swings miles away. Matsukawa brushed him off with a hand movement that signified as an answer. Hanamaki never meant it in any form of vile nor jealousy. It’s not like his own body responses like shoulders visibly going rigid and eyes twitching whenever Oikawa’s about to meet a wall head on was any different. They couldn’t just sit there and let Oikawa beat himself on the piles of brick until he was bruised up again.

It was already enough. But no one gets to decide that. The torture just doesn’t stop for anyone.

Matsukawa got him into books. One fine morning they decided to visit the town square for a supply run. Oikawa marveled at the food market like a child running through an amusement fare. He’d ask Hanamaki all the questions about farming and Matsukawa would tell him to put the avocados back because three is enough to last them a week and a half.

“But it’s good for my skin!”

“Don’t encourage him—fine just one more. That’s it.” Matsukawa turned to Hanamaki who was trying to paint himself innocent.

“It really is good for the skin Issei. You should try it.” He whistled away with an OIkawa who is now locked arms with him like a comrade in battle. Matsukawa threw his towel in defeat. He can never win.

The makeshift bookstore was hidden behind antiques and fabrics, unseen and unheard. Matsukawa told Oikawa about the hidden gems he’s found lying beyond piles of yellowing pages. Hanamaki agreed to the idea of having Oikawa splurge into a new form of hobby. Books in their own way had an effect on people. Matsukawa saw the glint in Oikawa’s eyes and grabbed the chance along with the future regrets at the seams. They let Oikawa purchase his top three out of ten, maybe more, to come home with them. Hanamaki eyed at Matsukawa knowingly.

“Progress.” In their conveyed hushed words. Oikawa was dazzling and beaming.

He asked Matsukawa to help him look for a job. Not too soon. The male was washing dishes, after having late lunch with them. Hanamaki was folding clothes and Matsukawa was wiping the table. It didn’t take Oikawa a second to notice the tension in the room followed by the sudden flow of events again. They didn’t take him for a stupid fellow, Oikawa has always been too perceptive for his own good. There were no interventions or sit downs. They voted yes to the idea with set rules and limitations. Hanamaki had his own separate concerns and so did Matsukawa. They both recalled at the moments Oikawa negated any invitation to leave his shared room with Iwaizumi.

“I have to try. Iwa-chan would want the same too.”

Matsukawa peers over at Hanamaki with a pointed look. Hanamaki raises a brow in response.

“We’ll start when you’re ready.”

Matsukawa got him a cashier job at the local bakery near their house. The pay was decent and the owner understood their situation well enough. Hanamaki thought they were on the side of luck for being born into such a welcoming town. None of the locals batted an eye at their unconventional relationships. Everyone went their own ways the same they did. Maybe luck had found Oikawa once more. The better days came. Oikawa picked up on his broken remains and slowly figured out a way to find the starting point on his own.

Matsukawa couldn’t convince him to stay in their house, at least till he’s ready to face an empty one that only reminded him of Iwaizumi.

“I don’t see why you have to leave. No one’s using the room anyway.” Hanamaki added into the conversation. He wasn’t afraid. He can see the evident change glowing in Oikawa. He just cares so deeply about him.

“Are you going to miss me that much Makki? I’ll visit everyday and eat Mattsun’s chips with you.”

“Hey.” Matsukawa folded his arms on his chest. Hanamaki and Oikawa snickered at each other.

“You still have to let us know if you’re leaving town, where you’re going and how long-”

“I promise! I won’t forget.” Oikawa flashed Hanamaki a genuine smile.

Matsukawa reached over to flick Oikawa’s forehead lightly, ignoring the tiny ‘ouch’ he heard from him. “Don’t be a stranger Tooru. Come over whenever you want.”

Truth be known, their house falls back into its old harmony. Hanamaki would brew coffee in the morning and Matsukawa cooked breakfast. It took him days to recognize the fact that it was only the two of them now, not meeting Hanamaki’s gaze and defending himself that he was hungry. Hanamaki never asked. Matsukawa said the silence was enough of an indication that he was being scrutinized. Hanamaki shrugged, in each of their ways one was bound to do it and the other would follow eventually. It took them weeks to finally get around to settle the problem once and for all. Every week they would gather the food items, clothing—whatever knick knacks either Hanamaki or Matsukawa bought for Oikawa and bundled it all up in one. 

An easy routine they both labeled as a safety net of sorts.

—

“Knock knock.”

Matsukawa held onto his basket of freshly grown vegetables, waiting for Oikawa to welcome them to his humble abode. To his left stood Hanamaki, who chose to bring supper to share with their lovely neighbor. Whiny, but a dear friend. It took a good amount of drag but Oikawa seemed to be faring better from what they’ve both witnessed. Hanamaki was near cynical. Matsukawa could only rub his back to ease the doubt. They were glad Oikawa discovered a new sense of life within him. Watching the male in his animated form brought Matsukawa and Hanamaki comfort beyond belief.

Seconds turned into minutes. Minutes turned into stretching patience.

“Oikawa?” Matsukawa knocks again for good measure. This time harder. He eyes Hanamaki and the other looks back with a wrinkle on his forehead. None of them heard any footsteps from inside.

The sun was starting to dip.

“Oikawa, are you there?” He’s just banging on the door now. The anxiety is growing in large amounts.

“Yo. Oikawa!” Matsukawa hands the basket to Hanamaki. They are both getting a bit antsy. The usual visits were never planned. However, today is a bit different. It’s June 10th, Iwaizumi’s birthday. Oikawa tells them all the time if he’s going to town or anywhere in particular, whether it was just Hanamaki or Matsukawa who was filled in. If he couldn’t tell them on the same day, Oikawa will come by the day before he has to leave. He wouldn’t slip on his word. He’s been doing great for over a year. Oikawa offers to celebrate Iwaizumi’s birthday as a remembrance of him. They said yes to the idea, that it was a special occasion and they will definitely partake in it.

Matsukawa forces his way inside the house with his shoulder. The wooden surface snaps open after the third time Matsukawa pushes it in. The house was still and everything was in place. They both enter inside, floors creaking at every step they take. Hanamaki shuffles towards the kitchen to rest their grub on the table. Matsukawa lurches for the bedroom door only to see it empty. Not in there. The bath was vacant too. They would have known if Oikawa is in his backyard, since they share the vicinity of it. Hanamaki checks the cabinets and storages. Mildly filled up with cans and instant ramen. He didn’t run away. Matsukawa continues to examine spaces for anything that can lead up to answers. He discovers the bookshelf filled and his study overflowing with books. Some of them are left open. Matsukawa skims through one and the idea dawns on him.

“ISSEI!” 

Matsukawa sprints out of the area to discover the glaring light from under the floors. Oikawa is in his basement. Silence looms upon them, then comes the screaming. They both scramble to look for the basement door in frantic notions. Matsukawa finds it first and hastily kicks it open. They arrive at a sequence of an unknown phenomenon, unfolding too fast. Something they’ve never seen before. Flashing lusters, eerie sounds and Oikawa’s body pooling in blood. The room returns to its natural form, Hanamaki spots the ghoulish fiend in the middle of the transfiguration circle. 

“What is that thing-” Hanamaki takes one step back, shaking on his feet. The magnitude of tremors ran deep in his spine. He can smell the foul stench of burning flesh in the air. It takes him a second to piece the situation altogether. Oikawa fought the laws of mother nature and committed an act of crime. He wanted to bring Iwaizumi back to life. Desperately. He rushes forward to Oikawa’s spot, dropping to his knees and turning his head to every inch of the room to find a towel or any piece of clothing to slow down the gushes of blood.

“Issei find some rags or shirts! Quick!” 

Matsukawa’s own hands are shivering in disbelief. He leaps back upstairs to grab the first thing in sight, the dish towel. He heads over to the bedroom to seize anything that they can use. Matsukawa paces himself to think things through. He takes a deep dish and fills it up with water. Matsukawa doesn’t wait for the water to reach above mid level. He makes a run for it. Hanamaki takes the towel first, not knowing which part of Oikawa he has to bandage up first before everything else fails. Matsukawa rummages through drawers to search for a first aid kit. _Anything. ___

__A few more trips to find gauzes and blotches of red on their hands, Hanamaki is left without words. Matsukawa, who’s next to him, sneaks a peak at the ghastly in the middle of the circle. There’s nothing they can do now._ _

__“What have you done Tooru? What have you done?”_ _

**Author's Note:**

> you reached this far?? i'm sorry if the pacing, tenses and just everything about this is bad. very self indulgent ;u; kudos and comments appreciated! thank you!
> 
> my [twt](https://twitter.com/mtskwa) if yall wanna yell about hq even if it ended ;u;


End file.
